


Until the End

by Seaberry Siren (Lettrefeerie)



Series: Another 358 Days [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Discussions of death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28000167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lettrefeerie/pseuds/Seaberry%20Siren
Summary: Sora’s disappearance affected many things... In fact, it affected so much that Xion worries if it might affect her and Roxas directly. He can’t promise her it won’t, but maybe there is something else he can do.
Relationships: Roxas/Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Another 358 Days [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197482
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	Until the End

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write some RokuShi for quite some time. I enjoy their dynamic a lot from what I know about it. Be aware that I haven't played Days and KH2 yet though, so... Yeah. They could be really OoC here and while I did research in order to avoid continuity errors, it's just not the same as experiencing a game for yourself. So in case there are any errors in this, I'm sorry.  
> Why did I still write it? Because I get heavy RokuShi vibes from the song it was inspired by and it is a story I really wanted to write.
> 
> That being said, this was inspired by [Until the End](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DFs8tpXryExM&t=MmEzYjY5ZjRhY2Q4YjcyN2JhOTRjNjAyY2YzOWNkZTZlZmM3ZTE4MyxmNjk0NDhmMjAzMWZiMGIxNTk3NzVjM2ZkOTMzNTJhYjI2NTZkZjNl&ts=1607639807), which is a RWBY song XD I also recommend watching the [ending of RWBY Volume 7](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DKyiaTmD5REE&t=ZDMwM2Q2MmU1YmUxZDNkZDVhODkyMjljN2ZmZjQyODM1NmZmYjg1ZCxmNmFhMDYwNzIwZGFkNWRiODhlMTUwYTZmMjg0YjQ2ZTc3MmY3YzVi&ts=1607639807) when part of the song is played within the series. RWBY is, admittedly, not very well-written, but I feel that this scene was a very good one and it left an emotional impact on me when I watched it.

_A new day is gone without a trace  
All memories are dark and light is fading_

To someone who had never been to Twilight Town before, time must have seemed to stand still due to the eternal state of twilight this world was stuck in. Xion had, however, made out a pattern long ago. While the sun itself never changed its position, but the colors of the sky faded between the pastels of a sunrise and the bright reds of a sunset over the course of the day and night.

Currently, some clouds were obscuring the sun, their grey causing the sky to appear in a darker, more navy tone of blue than usual, alongside deep reds and violets. And those colors were still too bright to reflect her current mood.

Today had been another day of fighting to get out of bed because the exhaustion was almost too strong to bear. Another day where her dreams of a normal life slipped away, as she couldn’t even keep up with school. Another day of the headaches – the ones caused by Naminé’s memory powers, though Xion couldn’t fault her for those. She was just as exhausted from using those as Roxas and Xion were, if not even more. And yet… Another pointless day with no results. Not even a trace of their vanished friend, despite all of the effort, the headaches, the exhaustion…

That feeling… It was just so… Xion wanted to scream, she wanted to punch something. Why did it have to be this way?! They deserved an outcome of their hard work – and Sora deserved better than being lost.

The longer this went on, the more those bright memories were tainted with a darker color, like drops of darkness fell onto them, obscuring and eventually extinguishing all the light that came from them. Everything Roxas, Naminé and Xion herself tried in order to help find their lost friend seemed to never be enough, and that didn’t help to brighten up her mood either.

… Maybe, it was better to accept that Sora was gone… So he could rest in peace. He wouldn’t want them to feel bad because of him all the time, Xion knew that.

A tear rolled down her cheek. No. They couldn’t just give up like this. Kairi would never get over Sora’s disappearance. Besides, he was the reason why both she and Roxas even existed – because he had never given up on finding a way for making the impossible happen. He deserved that they did the same for him now.

Besides… If he was gone… Wouldn’t that mean their days were numbered as well?

Xion held her hands in front of her face, against the ever-setting sun, just to see if they were still there. The clock of the tower started to ring – Xion could feel the swings of the noise whenever this happened while she was up there. One, two, three… Nine times.

The faded light bathed her hands in a reddish orange, almost as if it was shining through the flesh of her replica body. Was she fading away too, again?

“Hey Xion.”

She turned around to see a familiar blonde standing behind her. Xion felt a smile tug at her lips, but the fear of fading was stronger than that and all she managed was a short twitch of her lips before she spoke. “Hey Roxas.”

She gestured to the empty space at her side. A wide smile spread across his face as he took her offer and pulled out two familiar packages from his pocket, handing her one. “Here. It won’t help with the headaches, but… I figured it might still do some good.”

It was sea-salt ice cream… Of course it would be sea-salt ice cream. She finally managed to crack a smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Silence fell between the two as they unpacked their creamsicles and started eating while watching the sunset. The clouds had finally unveiled the sun, and by now the sky and the town were illuminated in bright yellows, reds and oranges. The clouds glowed in a lovely, warm pink.

“It’s almost like the old times,” Roxas said after some minutes of silence.

Yes… Almost. “Where is Axel though?”, she asked.

“He said he’d catch up later,” he responded.

“So it’s just like the old times,” she remarked chuckling. “Thinking about it, he used to be late from time to time.”

“True.” Roxas grinned briefly before his eyebrows twitched and he let out a small wince. “Ouch…”

Xion’s heart slightly hurt hearing that – like it was being pulled on. She knew that feeling… It meant that she was worried about him. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah… Can you hold my ice cream for a second?”

She nodded and Roxas handed the creamsicle to her with a grateful smile. Then, he proceeded to massage his temples.

Xion raised an eyebrow. “Brainfreeze?” A small nod confirmed her suspicion.

She knew he hadn’t been sleeping very well ever since Sora’s disappearance. He tossed and turned after going to bed, sometimes for hours before finally entering the realm of dreams. And even then, it weren’t always good ones.

To be frank, Xion hadn’t had the best sleep in her short life either, but at least it found her quickly after another long, exhausting day of work. The dark circles under her eyes grew deeper with every day nonetheless, just as Roxas’s did.

The lack of sleep, Naminé’s memory powers… All of that combined often led to headaches, triggered and untriggered ones. Maybe the ice cream hasn’t been a good idea after all, taking that into consideration.

“Don’t worry too much about it,” Roxas interrupted her line of thought with a slight smile. “It’s just a headache. Nothing I can’t handle, really.”

He was right in a sense – they had been through far worse. Still… “Maybe you should take a break.”

She remembered the evening of Sora’s disappearance like it had happened the day before, even though it had been months ago at this point. Roxas had collapsed almost immediately after that event, going as far as being rushed to the Destiny Islands hospital because their friends were concerned he might have a heart attack. In the end it turned out that there were only deviations of his heart rhythm, but that was bad enough from what little Xion understood about medicine. Almost as if whatever stabilized his heart rate was gone… Just like Sora.

She remembered holding his hand in the emergency room. Ven had asked him how he was feeling, to which Roxas had responded by panicking over possibly dying, something that had made her want to scream and run away – but she stayed and took his hand into hers, trying her best to be strong for him. She couldn’t remember if his hand had ever been as cold before, and thus she had taken it as a bad sign.

The environment hadn’t exactly contributed to calming her down either. All the sterile white, the machines and the staff running around shouting things she didn’t understand…

This beeping thing at Roxas’ bedside was the worst. It had wires attached to his chest and Xion couldn’t shake the feeling that it was doing something to his likely already damaged heart. Roxas seemed to think the same as he had ripped the wires off after the staff had finally left them alone – only for the machine to make a long, loud, agonizing beep and the doctors rushing into the room again, assuming his heart had stopped beating. It had been a mess.

After that, a kind nurse had explained to them that it was a heart monitor, that the noises were supposed to represent Roxas’s heartbeat and that it would alert the staff in case his condition worsened – but Xion got the feeling that Roxas still didn’t like the fact that he was hooked up to this thing.

She didn’t like it either. Even though it was just for monitoring purposes, knowing all of this had made it even more agonizing. For hours, the beeping had been more or less irregular. Sometimes Xion thought it was finally over, only for Roxas’s heart to skip another beat and go back to beating irregularly. And once the noises – or more like his heart rate – finally became permanently predictable, he had been asleep and the clock displayed a time way past midnight.

Fortunately, nothing like that had happened to him ever since, despite the fact that Roxas kept pushing his limits. He was determined to find Sora and, Kairi and Riku excluded, he was probably the best bet when it came to finding any clues – and he knew it.

“I wish I could do that,” he whispered. “Just… Move on, you know? Finally have a normal life.” He let out a heavy sigh. “But I don’t want to…”

He didn’t finish his sentence and Xion was reminded of her thoughts from earlier, when she had held her hands against the light of the ever-setting sun to see if they weren’t fading away. She wondered if he had thought about this as well.

Roxas shook his head a little. “I have to keep going. It… It just feels like a part of me has been ripped away,” His voice sounded a bit weary – the exhaustion was coming through. “Besides, there is something I want to ask Sora.”

An answer he might never get, Xion thought. “What is it?”

“I just don’t understand how he could stay so calm,” Roxas mumbled. “Kairi said he knew it was coming. I just… I don’t understand…”

“I do.”

She thought back to her own disappearance – Xion didn’t like to call it death, even though that was technically what had transpired on that fateful day. It had been here, on the clock tower, just a few feet away from where they were sitting right now. Thinking about it, it wasn’t too dissimilar to what happened to Sora.

Back then, she had sacrificed herself so he could live… Just like Sora had sacrificed himself so Kairi could live. Probably the only significant difference was that Sora and Kairi had actually shared a personal bond when this happened, while Xion and Sora… The only thing she had shared with him was what had been rightfully his.

Taking this into account, sacrificing herself for Sora had felt like the right thing to do. Xion didn’t regret it – especially because in the end, she had been given this second chance at life, which she was beyond grateful for. But there was another reason why she didn’t.

“His favorite person was with him until the end,” she explained whispering. “Trust me, when you know you’re not going to last much longer, then having someone special with you when it happens… It makes you happy, you know?”

Roxas blushed a little hearing that, and a warm, pleasantly tingling feeling spread out inside Xion’s belly. It was rare that he did, but she liked the sight of his cheeks flushing in that rosy color.

It was only for a short moment before his expression turned back to a more solemn one. “Maybe,” he said quietly. “I don’t know.” After all, he had been alone when he had abandoned his existence so Sora could wake up from his year-long sleep.

… She had never realized that before.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You were all alone.” She couldn’t manage to say more – it would only tear old wounds open again.

A lump formed in Xion’s throat when she remembered the way Roxas had cradled her during her last minutes. Despite having found out who she really was and what her only intended purpose had been, despite having fought Roxas only minutes prior, despite him not remembering who she was – it didn’t feel bad back then. Knowing that he was going to be the last thing she saw had somewhat eased everything else.

Thinking about how Roxas didn’t have that… He had never revealed the details surrounding his own “death”, but Xion knew enough for her eyes to become watery and her heart hurt thinking about that – like it wanted to cry for him.

“Oh.” Roxas lowered his head. “Yeah…”

Xion decided that it was best to not discuss that topic any further, especially due to that growing, tight feeling in her stomach. It made her so uncomfortable, nervous even… She wanted to run, despite knowing that it wouldn’t help. She couldn’t run from fading after all…

… Maybe the ice cream could do something about it? It had always worked during their Organization days, right?

She wordlessly handed Roxas’ creamsicle back to him and continued to eat her own, trying to suppress this unpleasant feeling.

… The ice cream was sweet. And salty. As usual. And the cold left a somewhat… Tingling feeling on her tongue. Combined with the taste of course. When she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the rays of sunshine on her face. Everything was fine…

“I think I would still have gone on a rampage, even if you were with me… When I faded away.”

Xion dropped her ice cream when he spoke up again. So… He did want to talk about it? A cold shiver ran down her spine thinking about it – not because of him. She trusted Roxas, and she knew she could talk to him about anything. But the thought of talking about this… And maybe getting the answer that the clenching feeling in her stomach was right about what was to come… The thought of hearing it from him…

Xion wanted to scream, but she didn’t. Instead, she raised her voice again. It shook a little. “Well, I think we both know you would have gone nuts…”

“It’s just not fair,” Roxas said as his free hand curled into a fist. His expression had grown a lot darker, and Xion wondered what he was thinking about – Sora’s disappearance or his own. “None of this is fair…”

And he was right about that.

It wasn’t fair that someone as good and kind-hearted Sora had paid for saving them and countless others with his own existence. It wasn’t fair that they spent their days in countless futile attempts to find any clues on his whereabouts despite all of their efforts. It wasn’t fair that the life they had fought for still wasn’t theirs in a way. And most of all, it wasn’t fair that all of this had been for nothing if they were just going to fade away again anyways…

Maybe the Organization and all of those other people had been right after all. Maybe it didn’t matter how hard they tried because Nobodies could never be Somebodies, never live more than a lie after all…

A tear rolled down her cheek.

“Xixi?” Roxas’s voice softened as used her nickname that he only called her by when they were completely alone. Knowing that she might not get to hear it for much longer made more tears streak down her cheeks.

“I don’t want to fade away again, Roxas,” she blurted out sobbing. “I just want to live!” There was so much she still wanted to do, so many unfulfilled dreams… “I just want _you_ to live…” Her voice, already high and squeaky, finally broke.

“Xion, why do you…”

“When you were admitted to the hospital, I felt horrible inside!”, she sobbed loudly, almost yelling even. “Roxas, I was so _scared_ …”

She stopped talking abruptly. Was that what this clenching, almost hurting feeling was? Being scared? Fear?

Before she could think much more about it, she felt the warmth of Roxas’ hand on her own.

“But I’m still here…”

“How do I know you will still be here tomorrow?”, Xion sobbed. “How do I know I’ll still be here tomorrow?”

“Because I don’t intend to go anywhere.”

Roxas’ voice was so warm and calm… So comforting that a new feeling sprouted in Xion’s heart, one that wrapped around her like a warm blanket and somewhat soothed the pressing ache that was her fear. Funny how she could have two seemingly opposing emotions at the same time – was having a heart this complicated for everyone? It could be so difficult to feel…

“Do you want to talk about it?”, Roxas asked.

Yes… No. She didn’t know.

“It might help.”

Maybe. But then again, he had enough to worry about at the moment. If he hadn’t already had the same thoughts as she had, then she didn’t want to put them into his mind by telling him… Even though Xion knew he wouldn’t offer it if he didn’t feel like he could take it.

On the other hand… She had already let some of it slip earlier. Still, she didn’t want to scare him as well. Maybe it was better to talk about something else. Something she knew made both of them feel bad.

“It’s just…” So much for that plan. How was she going to say this without diving into the subject of being scared of dying again “We haven’t found a single clue yet…”

“I know,” Roxas murmured. “That’s why I have to keep trying.”

“You mean we have to keep trying,” Xion corrected him.

Roxas shook his head in response. “Xion, you don’t have to continue if you can’t,” he declared. “If you need a break, then take it…”

She knew he didn’t mean to do that, but this answer sent her over the edge again. More tears ran down her cheek. “But breaks only mean losing more time…” Time they might be running out of. She sighed. “Sometimes I wonder whether we should just give up and enjoy the time we have left as while we can, you know? It’s what Sora would want.”

 _It’s what he did himself_ , Xion added in her thoughts. Ironic how he hadn’t given up on two people that were supposed to not exist anymore, but had been quick to accept his own fate (as long as it meant that the people he cared about were safe).

And here she was, suggesting to give up on him, the person who had not given up on them, so they could live their best life. And her reasoning for it? Something he had supposedly wanted… She was so selfish.

Xion wanted to choke. “I’m a horrible person,” she said instead. “After all he has done for us…”

“Please don’t compare yourself to Sora,” Roxas interrupted her swiftly. “He is far too selfless for his own – or quite frankly anybody’s – good. Just look at what it’s done to all of us.” He sounded angry once again now. “When he returns, I’m going to punch him for all of this, I swear! Especially for making you feel bad about yourself!”

And afterwards, he would likely pull Sora into a fierce hug. Xion knew Roxas well enough to know that he couldn’t stay mad at him for…

Before she could finish her line of thought, she felt Roxas wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

Xion felt a blush creeping into her cheeks and suddenly there were butterflies in her stomach. Not actual butterflies of course – more like what she imagined actual butterflies would feel like if they were living in her stomach. That was the best way she could describe the tingling sensation.

It was part of a strong emotion, but not unpleasant at all – in fact, Xion liked it. She always got it when they were close like this, although she hadn’t quite figured out what exactly it meant yet.

She hugged him back. Maybe that could squeeze out a bit more of that feeling… He rested his head on hers when she did so, adding to their closeness.

Xion liked their hugs a lot too. They were tight, but in a way that made her feel secure, not trapped. The warmth of Roxas’s body reminded her that they were still here, together and alive – which was so much more than she could ever have dreamed of.

The tears stopped running soon, and her breathing evened out – the butterflies still fluttered though.

It was only after a while that Roxas spoke up again, not letting go of her as he did so. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

Roxas pulled away from the hug. He looked pretty serious. “It’s about what you said earlier,” he warned her. “If you don’t want to be asked about that, then I won’t ask.”

To Xion’s surprise, while the feeling in her stomach from before returned as he mentioned it, it didn’t return with the same intensity as before. If it didn’t get any stronger… There was nothing to lose, right?

“It’s fine, go ahead.”

He still hesitated a bit, Xion could tell, but somehow, that made her heart jump a little bit.

“What makes you think we’re going to die again?”

Blunt as always – even when he was trying to be considerate. Had she not been scared, she would probably be amused by it. In any way, it made responding a little bit easier. “I just thought,” Xion whispered, “we owe our existence to Sora. But now that he doesn’t exist anymore…”

Her voice had gotten even quieter in towards the end, and she didn’t manage to finish the sentence. She just… She couldn’t say those words.

Roxas didn’t respond verbally. Instead, he took her hand and laced their fingers together.

Xion sighed. She just wished that he would say something to keep her thoughts from spiraling into _that_ direction again…

“I actually had the same thought a while ago.”

Oh no. That… That wasn’t a response Xion had wanted to hear. Well, at least she didn’t give him that thought in the first place. That was a small relief. Still… Could that mean that it was true?

She swallowed. “When?”

“At the hospital.”

Right… His panic after Ven’s question. That was what started it all.

Roxas was looking at his hands now – with a guilty expression. “I’m sorry for telling you back then… I didn’t mean to scare you like I obviously did.”

Xion shook her head. “Don’t be sorry, Roxas.” She squeezed his hand a little tighter. “It’s not like it was your fault. This entire experience was pretty scary to be honest. For everyone involved.” But it was over. She sighed – somewhat in relief. “You’re okay now, aren’t you?” She had to make sure.

Roxas grinned. “Aside from the headaches, I’d say I am.”

For the first time since her outburst, Xion managed to crack a tiny smile. Only for a small moment though. “You think you… We will be okay?”

“I think we will. It just doesn’t feel like the end of our story and quite frankly, it doesn’t make any sense… Besides, the last time I thought it was going to end it didn’t.” He wasn’t wrong with that. “But the truth is… I don’t really know for sure. And no matter how much I try to reassure myself that it won’t happen… I’m still scared it will.”

It was such an honest answer – and truthfully, Xion shared his feelings about the entire situation. Thinking about it, it made no sense why either of them should fade away again. And yet… Logic and emotion were two different pairs of shoes.

This was probably the scariest thing about the entire situation: they could make assumptions and draw logical conclusions all they wanted – they would never know for sure what was about to come. It was supposed to be the exciting thing about the adventure that was life, Xion supposed, but in this instance, it scared her, even more than the thought of fading again, and almost as much as the thought of losing Roxas did.

“Hey Xion?”

“Hm?”

He squeezed her hand a little tighter. “Whatever happens… I promise, I’ll be here until the end.”

_I promise I’ll be here until the end_

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, that's it :) I'll admit I had a lot of fun writing this piece... If you have any feedback (particularly on whether they were OoC or not), please don't hesitate to leave a comment :)
> 
> Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
